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December 16 The Day that Changed my Life... October 21, 2006Where do I even begin... It's been a while since I last wrote in this blog. But I know that a couple of people have been asking and are waiting for some kind of update. Well, let's start here.
For a while now, my grandma was in the hospital. I think it all started with something that she thought was relatively minor, but still wanted to check it out. I think she was just hoping to stay there overnite or maybe just a couple of days. She ended up staying for at least a month. Everyone in the family were very worried when we heard that she was in the hospital. Nobody knew what was wrong. The first time that I saw her there, I could tell that she was afraid, but she didn't want to show it. I could tell that we were all afraid, but didn't want to show it.
Every day and every night, somebody stayed with my grandma. Amazingly my grandma stayed positive. Never once did she ever complain about her pain, she just wanted everyone to go home and not to worry about her. There were a couple of times where she improved. So drastically that even the doctors could not explain it. However, within time, her condition got worst. It got so bad that we had to call my aunt in Chicago and she immediately flew home. Deep inside, we all knew things were getting worst. For me, it was so hard to keep a straight face when looking at my grandma. It hurt me so much to see her there and I wished so many times that I were there lying in that bed instead of her.... so many times. It took so much of me to stay strong in front my grandma. I knew that she really appreciated all of us to visit.
There were a couple of times when we had all thought that my grandmother was not going to make it. We had all stayed late over night and we paid so many parking tickets, but nobody cared. It was all worth it. Even the doctors were surprised to see the whole family there all the time. Somebody in the family was always there, we never left her side ever. Even when she kicked us out of her room, we were all there.
Saturday October 21: I thought I was too busy to visit my grandmother today. I told myself that I would go right after church the following day. So I carried on and went through the day. I went to sleep and just before midnight, I get a call from my sister waking me up. I knew right away that it was bad news about my grandma b/c we had received similar calls late at night before. I answered my phone and my sister told me that my grandmother had just passed away. I talked to her briefly and tried to be strong. As soon as I hung up the phone, I started crying. I weeped, I sobbed, I cried. I could not leg go. I was not quite ready, although we all knew her day was coming and we had already said all our goodbyes.
This is all I can say right now. It's hard just even writing all this down, even after all this time that has gone by. My grandmother was literally the glue that held my family together. Everyone did everything to please her and she loved us all equally. There is just so much to say, but can only write so much for now.
Never a day goes by that I don't think about her. I have a long drive to and from work every day and sometimes a song or just a mere thought will remind me of my grandmother. And I just start crying all over again. There were a couple of times that I thought I would have to pull over and just pull my act together. Sometimes I think that I'll cause an accident, but then I think of my grandmother always telling me "Don't drive too fast, just be careful". Some nights before going to sleep, I will think of her and softly cry so nobody can here me. I miss my grandmother so much, I really do. I have never in my life lost someone so close to me as she was.
This is the last picture that I have that was taken with my grandmother. Rest in peace, I know that you are watching us all from above. |
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